I Said NO To Surgery!
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Today I finally said "NO" to surgery and chemotherapy.
Today was supposed to be the day of my surgery. For the past few weeks, I've been getting prepped up for my operation, which is a procedure called Splenectomy, where the surgeons will remove my spleen. I've been getting all my needed vaccinations, and my hematologist has made arrangements with the hospital's blood bank to make sure there's a lot of blood available for me during my surgery. Everything has been organized to make sure everything would go as smoothly and as perfectly as possible. Everything's ready.
But yesterday, I had this moment of clarity. It came to me so suddenly and so clearly. For the first time, I felt with such compelling conviction that if I did the surgery, it would be the start of my decline. I felt it and I knew it. Surgery will trigger my decline, and the chemotherapy that will soon follow is going to kill me. There has to be another way.
So today, with as much courage I could muster, I went to the hospital supposedly to get checked in for surgery, but instead, I talked to my doctor and told her I am canceling everything. I've never been so fearful in my life as in that moment. I was afraid that she would disapprove and scold me. But mostly I was afraid she would try to persuade me to go through with it and that I wouldn't be strong enough to resist. Surprisingly, she wasn't angry. However she did try to convince me that I was making a mistake. But I stood firm in my decision and told her to give me some time. Time was all I asked. Time to search and try a different method of treatment. And if all else failed, I will let the doctors do whatever they wanted with me. She understood. She said she didn't approve, but that it was ultimately the patient's choice that will prevail.
After that meeting, I went home feeling lighthearted. I could feel all my anxiety melt away. It's as if a big boulder that's been dumped on my shoulders has fallen off and I was free. Now I won't have to worry about surgery and bleeding to death anymore. I won't have to worry about the pain and the recovery process. Am I making the right decision? I think so! I've never felt this good in a long time. In my heart I just feel that the conventional path of treatment is wrong for me. This isn't to say that other people are wrong for choosing conventional methods. I have so much respect for people who bravely face the terrible ordeal associated with conventional cancer treatments. But I have never been a brave person. I am so scared of surgery, and doubly scared of chemotherapy. I want to try something different first. That's all I am asking for. To be able to try.
So what now? Where do I go from here?
I've been doing extensive research on alternative cancer therapies, and I was so amazed by the numerous treatments out there. But how to know which of them truly work? Decisions, decisions. How to make the right decision when your life is hanging in the balance? It was a relief to be able to put off conventional medicine in favor of the alternative, but now I am faced with an even bigger dilema.
Dear God, I trust you to lead me and guide me to making the right decision. Tell me what I must do. Show me the way. Only you can get me through this.
Today was supposed to be the day of my surgery. For the past few weeks, I've been getting prepped up for my operation, which is a procedure called Splenectomy, where the surgeons will remove my spleen. I've been getting all my needed vaccinations, and my hematologist has made arrangements with the hospital's blood bank to make sure there's a lot of blood available for me during my surgery. Everything has been organized to make sure everything would go as smoothly and as perfectly as possible. Everything's ready.
But yesterday, I had this moment of clarity. It came to me so suddenly and so clearly. For the first time, I felt with such compelling conviction that if I did the surgery, it would be the start of my decline. I felt it and I knew it. Surgery will trigger my decline, and the chemotherapy that will soon follow is going to kill me. There has to be another way.
So today, with as much courage I could muster, I went to the hospital supposedly to get checked in for surgery, but instead, I talked to my doctor and told her I am canceling everything. I've never been so fearful in my life as in that moment. I was afraid that she would disapprove and scold me. But mostly I was afraid she would try to persuade me to go through with it and that I wouldn't be strong enough to resist. Surprisingly, she wasn't angry. However she did try to convince me that I was making a mistake. But I stood firm in my decision and told her to give me some time. Time was all I asked. Time to search and try a different method of treatment. And if all else failed, I will let the doctors do whatever they wanted with me. She understood. She said she didn't approve, but that it was ultimately the patient's choice that will prevail.
After that meeting, I went home feeling lighthearted. I could feel all my anxiety melt away. It's as if a big boulder that's been dumped on my shoulders has fallen off and I was free. Now I won't have to worry about surgery and bleeding to death anymore. I won't have to worry about the pain and the recovery process. Am I making the right decision? I think so! I've never felt this good in a long time. In my heart I just feel that the conventional path of treatment is wrong for me. This isn't to say that other people are wrong for choosing conventional methods. I have so much respect for people who bravely face the terrible ordeal associated with conventional cancer treatments. But I have never been a brave person. I am so scared of surgery, and doubly scared of chemotherapy. I want to try something different first. That's all I am asking for. To be able to try.
So what now? Where do I go from here?
I've been doing extensive research on alternative cancer therapies, and I was so amazed by the numerous treatments out there. But how to know which of them truly work? Decisions, decisions. How to make the right decision when your life is hanging in the balance? It was a relief to be able to put off conventional medicine in favor of the alternative, but now I am faced with an even bigger dilema.
Dear God, I trust you to lead me and guide me to making the right decision. Tell me what I must do. Show me the way. Only you can get me through this.
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