My Cancer Journey Begins / Bone Marrow Biopsy Done
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
So last week, I was talking about being diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called Splenic Sarcoma. It was the hardest day of my life, and I can't even begin the describe the anguish, the shock, and the hopelessness I felt that day. I wanted to scream but I couldn't. I wanted to throw things, break things, lose control for once... but I just couldn't. Not when I must think of my family and how hard it is already for them. I don't want to make things worse for the people around me. All I can do is cry silently into my pillow at night, and pretend to be cheerful and positive in front of everybody.
So my cancer journey has begun. I have finally been diagnosed. I know what's wrong with me now. And knowing, I think, has given me a sense of direction as opposed to not knowing. I now know what I am up against, and start working up the courage to be brave enough to face whatever lies ahead. The problem is, I have never been a brave person. I don't easily get scared, and I can tolerate pain if I really put my mind to it. What I am most afraid of is not having enough time left to do the things I want to do before I die... like create happy memories with the people I love... ask forgiveness to the people I've hurt... travel and see the world... work as a nurse in a different country... do exciting and scary things like riding a roller-coaster. I've never been in a roller-coaster ride. I've always been too scared to do it, but now, suddenly I just wanna do it.
On my last post I also talked about my doctors wanting me to undergo a procedure called, Bone Marrow Aspiration Biopsy. It is a procedure where they will aspirate blood and remove tissue sample from my bone marrow for analysis. They want to rule out Leukemia and Lymphoma so they can focus on treating the Sarcoma. Then they want me to do a whole body CT Scan , and possibly MRI, to determine where else in my body is affected by cancer. My Xrays were clear, and my abdominal ultrasounds revealed nothing atypical in my abdominal region, except for the large mass in my spleen. All week I've been watching youtube videos of people talking about and showing their bone marrow biopsy experience. I don't know, but I feel more in control if I know what's gonna happen to me, although I'm also aware that perception and experience differ with every person. All the people on youtube I've watched talked about the experience being so painful, so horrible. I ended up feeling anxious and stopped watching altogether.
So yesterday, I went back to the hospital to do the CT scan. It was my very first CT scan, and it went well. One of the things I didn't like was how freezingly cold it was in the facility. It was so cold I was literally shaking and shivering. My toenails even turned bluish. Another thing I didn't like was how I had to drink 2 liters of water before the procedure. By the time I was asked to lie down in the oval machine, my stomach felt so bloated, it was very uncomfortable. I was strapped into the cot and told to relax. Before starting, the nurse gave me several instructions. She told me that once the procedure starts, I would be all alone in the room, but she and the technicians would be in the other room separated by glass, and they will be able to see me and I can call out to them if something is wrong. She also said that when the radioactive dye starts pumping into my veins, I will feel a warm sensation from head to toe, and a bitter, metallic taste in my mouth. All perfectly normal and will only last a few minutes. Once she was done with her instructions, she left the room but I could hear her voice in a microphone somewhere. The procedure began and I was slid into the oval several times for scanning. I felt some pain in my arm where the radioactive dye was infused, and yes, I felt the warm sensation run through my body starting from the head, then downward to my feet. The bitter taste in my mouth was weird, but didn't last long. I was more anxious of the fact that I was strapped in the cot. I felt claustrophobic in that room and was glad when it was finally over. The scan took 40 minutes.
Then today, I did the bone marrow biopsy. My hematologist performed the procedure, and I thank God for giving me such a competent and amazing hematologist. The moment I walked in, she immediately assured me that everything will be fine, that she'd done this many times before, and promised me I will not feel much. The nurses made me lie down on my left side, exposing the right side of my body. The doctor explained she would like to do the procedure on my right iliac bone (hip bone on the right pelvic area). Her voice was so calm, and her hands felt so light on my skin, that I gradually felt my anxiety fade away. She carefully walked me through the procedure, telling me when to brace myself for pain, and when to finally relax. I only felt pain twice. The first was when she induced the local anesthesia. It was a stinging pain in various points that lasted for 2 to 3 minutes. The pain was agonizing, yes, and I just closed my eyes everytime I felt it. But after that, I did not feel anything anymore. Not even when she was "drilling" through my bone to extract tissue. I felt the pressure of the instrument as it slowly dug through my bone, but it was painless. The second time I felt pain was the blood aspiration. The doctor told me to brace myself as this was the most painful. And it was. I felt a suction-like sensation and it was agonizing, but only lasted for a few seconds, then it was all over. The whole thing lasted around an hour, more or less.
When it was all done, to my surprise my hematologist came over to me and held my hands, and said a prayer for me. That was so unexpected, and so kind, that I felt the tears roll down my face. She gave me a hug and told me she will be seeing me next week to discuss my results. She assured me that everything will be okay, and she will be assembling the best team of surgeons and oncologists to co-manage my case.
And so I did it. It wasn't so bad. Not at all.
So this is how it's going to be from now on. If I am to make it through this journey, I will need to be strong. Today's experience showed me that I am indeed strong enough. God will always give me the strength to face every hurdle, one at a time. ♥
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